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They came so close. There's flames and chains. There's screaming and anal intrusion. But where is Satan, without Satan I struggle to believe it's really Hell. Of course I am being stupid, the Hell referred to is not the Hell of the afterlife, but rather one man's mental Hell in prison. This is a story, and let's face it not an original one, of one man's hell in a dank, corrupt Russian prison. While these films are fine every now and again, they really do live and die by their fight scenes. In fact, the only reason for watching Van Damme is to watch boot connecting with ass. Now, being a big fan of Van Damme's general crapness, I really enjoy his films. No matter how bad they become, you can usually really on some pretty decent fighting. I don't have the first Scooby of what happened with In Hell, because in a film about prisoners fighting each other, the combat scenes are terrible. There is not poetic motion about them, even Van Damme looks sluggish and slow. He really is just going through the motions. From a fairly amusing, well built ass kicking machine to this pathetic shadow of his former self, I was disappointed. There was no "martial arts" from Van Damme, he got beat up, punched a guy a few times and seemed to survive. Of course, there was the important character arc, where Van Damme loses his true identity, only for the death of the prison bitch to show him he shouldn't fight. Hold on, this is Van Damme, someone kills his bitch buddy, he's out for revenge. He doesn't sit on his ass and cry about it.

Van Damme has taken a mighty step backwards over the last few years. He has removed his trademark smile and butt whooping for moody and emotionally retarded material. I can only hope Kumite marks the return of the man, it seems to be an un-official Bloodsport sequel. Please Van Damme, stop the drugs (rumoured of course) and get back to the gym. Bulk back up and kick some ass. If I want to see a man cry I'll nail Kenny's testicles to a Porsche.

As for the rest, crappy supporting cast and characters, with Lam trying to ring some sympathy from us for Taylor's psychotic prisoner (kills folk for talking to much, but is a nice guy really. Honestly). There are the usual stereotypes, including the fact that every Russian is evil and corrupt, and some added bonus of Van Damme believing a butterfly is a reincarnation of his dead wife.

I have noticed a trend that Van Damme's worst films are made by Ringo Lam. I hope that the Lam is put out to the pastures to become a sheep, because then it can go get.........never mind.