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10 Remember The Titans Whilst this is a truly great and motivational story, is there really anything gayer and more Homo than American football? I think not!
9 Gone In Sixty Seconds Ah, men and cars nothing gay here, right? WRONG! Everyone knows that a car is an extension of a mans penis. So what is more Homo than not just one guy but a “gang” of men running around “stealing” a bunch of others guys “cars”! Let’s face it this film is a thinly veiled homo-gang-bang. A big gay version of Sex the Annabel Chong Story!
8 Coyote Ugly But it’s all girls I heat you cry. Well true, except the love interest is a bit suss and actually if this film doesn’t have lesbian undertones I’m Pope John Paul the third! Plus Ali likes it so it must be gay!!!!
7 Armageddon Big, oily men! On a rig, alone, for months at a time. Oh yes you know it. Ben Affleck was the bitch Ving Rhames was the Butch. OOOooh! That’s gross.
6 Bad Boys

What! You that you’d be safe watching a film that stars someone who calls himself Big Willie? You fool. Once again we are treated to the Bruckheimer trade marks. Tight white vests that get soiled as the film goes through. Sweaty men in glorious slow-mo. The always present love/hate relationship between the two male leads as they struggle with there true feelings towards one another. The only surprise here is that Martin Lawrence’s character is actually the butch in the relationship.
5 American Gigolo

Seriously if you’ve seen this film you wouldn’t even be asking. The whole thing is an excuse for Gere to wonder around in tighty-whiteys or less. I feel sick. Don’t know if I will make it through the top five.
4 Crimson Tide Salty seamen in a large phallic shaped boat that “goes-down” all the time. I rest my case.
3 Pearl Harbour

I would tell you why, but that would involve having to remember this film. And that would be too much to bear. Suffice to say it stars Ben Affleck, and Josh Hartnett. And White vests, and oh dear god no… I’m starting to remember bits of the film. AAAAAAHHHHH it’s terrible.

2 Days Of Thunder Tom Cruise makes his debut in the homo-erotic top ten. Just in time too. I’m sure the frilly shirted out there where getting their pretty pink panties in a right twist. “Where’s Tom, I just lurve him”. Anyway here he is, so settle petal. Starring Tom as a motorbike loving Nas-Car racer, the film is really all about his Freudian attraction to Robert Duvall’s Father figure. Plus once again there is all that “macho” my “car” is bigger and shinier than yours crap. (Oh dear god, someone help me.)
1 Top Gun Oh my sweet lord. Where to start. The shower scenes? Nah, too obvious. The blatantly gay dialogue “I’ve got a Hard on” “Don’t tease me” comes the reply. How about the complete and oh so obvious lack of real attraction between Kelly McGillis and Tom Cruise? Or the phallic symbolism of the fighter planes as they extend up and across the screen. No. I think we will start with a scene that when I saw this film as a happy and naive 8 year old didn’t arouse a drop of suspicion in me. Yet when I watched it again in my teens had me splitting my sides with its blatantly Homo-erotic over-tones. It turns out I was wrong at the start of this list, there is a gayer sport than American Football. Enter The Volleyball Scene. The dudes are stripped to the waist, waxed, oiled and if that wasn’t enough the backing track to all this is “Playing with the Boys” I mean come on. At least give subtle a try. And if that wasn’t enough how about Mavericks co-pilot or wife as I like to call him. Goose. And what do you do with a goose? That’s right you stuff it. Lovely. Anyway there you have it. Go back and watch Top Gun again it’s a great film, hope I haven’t ruined it for you. I still think it is one of the eighties defining films. It captures the era in which it was made almost perfectly. So relax guy, slip it in. It won’t hurt, I promise.